Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I think i peed on brittanys purse
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
two words...techno handjob
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
