she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
