I wannas sexs uuuuu
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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