Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Randomize
