I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
