Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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