My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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