I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
