absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
