can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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