he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize