Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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