So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
i think im in europe. pls send help
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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