I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
