this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
