Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
