I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
