just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
As shirtless as possible
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
