Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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