i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
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