I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
