I wish I could punch you in the face.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
