I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
