My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize