i will never coherently bang her
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
