I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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