that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
