i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
