Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
you inspire me to be a worse person
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
