There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Then you guys just all showered together...?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
