and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
