Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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