i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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