he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
