I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
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You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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