If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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