I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
He had one of those small greek statue penises
im holly from the hills drunk
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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