meet me or not, i'm out of control
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
