she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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