Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
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I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
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Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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