yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
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I feel like my teeth are sweating.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
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I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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