Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
