we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize