He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
did you just send me my own nude
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
