I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
