Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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