I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize