I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
