Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize