it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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