This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
