I wish you could order shots online.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
