you're like a bully in the Christmas story
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
