Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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