if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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