Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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