Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
