How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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