This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
