I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
