You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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