Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
