went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
