Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
