the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
