he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
you never un-have a 4some
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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