Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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